Meet my sister in law… Veg Christine… she is kind of awesome. She started a blog and I just can’t get enough of her…
Somewhere between my first and second child, I stopped wearing sexy panties. There were several regions for this, but let’s say that the number one reason was that awful feeling of discomfort that only itchy lacy, and unbreathable spandex, can create against your nether-regions. I am pretty sure it was one of those hot, humid days at the playground when I decided to ditch my silky satins. After bending down for the ninth time to tie my son’s shoelace, I found myself with sweat dripping down parts of my body that I never knew could sweat. I finally took the hint. Sensible cotton underwear was the only way to go.
My husband never mentioned my new preference for the big and sometimes baggy cottons. He is a true gentlemen after all. Never did he comment on the bright colors and strange flowered patterns that only these kind of cotton undies could deliver. Never caring that I looked like I was wearing a cross between granny panties and the panties of a 6 year old. Only a few times did he take notice that the waist bands were unraveling or asked a question like, “Are those whales on your underwear?”
Recently, while doing my weekly shopping at Target- Ok, I really just needed to get out of the house- I was throwing random red tagged items in my cart because, let’s face it, who can resist a cute, melamine plate and cup set for only $1.49? Somewhere between the brightly colored hand bags and the “As Seen on T.V.” end cap, I remembered I needed new underwear. I quickly went to the “sensible, cotton underwear” wall which consisted of the trusted name brands of Jockey, Hanes and Fruit of the Loom. I can’t lie, I picked out the 8 pack of solid colored cotton panties based mostly on the price.
The next morning, I tried on one of the freshly laundered underwear. They were blue with a gray stripe around the waistband. I thought they looked pretty boyish but boy were they comfy. From behind me, I heard my husband walk into the room. I turned around and his eyes popped open and a strange purring sound came from the back of his throat. Apparently, me + Hanes Her Way cotton briefs = Kelly LeBrock in Weird Science.
I am fully aware that this is a reference only people who grew up in the 80’s would understand. But I could see in my husband’s eyes his past adolescent fantasies reform and take shape in that very second. There I was, reflected in his face, my short 5 foot frame replaced Kelly’s much taller and leaner body standing in a doorway with nothing but a half shirt and a pair of cotton briefs. And I liked it.