Last week I bared my soul a little bit… without revealing too much I let you all in on a secret. I don’t always love what I see when I look in a mirror. It felt good to get a lot of what I said off my chest because insecurities are a heavy weight to drag around. I want to be an encouraging role model for my daughters, someone who they look up to for positivity and strength, but honesty is the key to being that person I want to be. I truly believe if we are in touch with what’s inside than we can be a better person on the outside.
Here’s another secret – I’m seeing a therapist. The reasons I contacted her are too personal for this blog, but in a nutshell, I need someone to help me sort through all that I’m feeling. For too long I’ve tried to push down what I’ve been feeling. This isn’t the first time I’ve sought help… the first time was my freshman year of college after a scary panic attack. Another time was when my parents were on the verge of a divorce. The third was a direct result of the depression and anxiety I felt teaching in Baltimore City. Each period I spent with a mental health counselor was beneficial to my emotional wellness – they all had insight into my thought process I never would have discovered on my own. I learn more about the woman I am and the woman I want to become when I talk through difficult times in my life.
I know for a fact I’ve been suffering on and off from postpartum depression and anxiety. Yes Ailey is about to be one, but I’m breastfeeding and that can do a number on your hormones. PPD/PPA is a very scary, very real life-altering disorder… and if you’re worried you might be struggling through something unexplainable after having a baby, seek help. Don’t hide it inside.
I’m trying very hard to settle the little bit of madness I feel I’ve fallen into … and I’m looking at each day as a new day to be positive, honest, and reflective. Thanks for listening … thanks for the support… <3