In our society, women are finally learning to celebrate their postpartum bodies. Moms share stretch marks and saggy skin with pride on social media. This movement is powerful, encouraging new postpartum Moms to love what they see in the mirror, instead of cringing with disgust. Sadly our celebration of a woman’s postpartum body is also creating a body shaming movement that needs to end.
This post was originally written on January 14, 2019 before I ever considered having another baby. Today, January 10, 2023, marks one year and one month into my postpartum journey after my third pregnancy. My feelings have not changed – and have only intensified over the years. These are my thoughts and experiences about postpartum body shaming.
Postpartum Body Compliments Can Actually Be Triggering Comments
It’s incredible how many people think it’s OK to comment on a woman’s body size. What’s even more interesting is who makes those comments: friends, family, and even strangers.
“Wow you look amazing!” “But are you OK?” “You’re too thin.” “Did you even have a baby?” “Are you eating enough?” “You should eat more.” “Who was the surrogate?”
I can’t recall the first time someone made a comment on my body after having a baby – but I know liked it. Who doesn’t want to be told she looks amazing after having a baby? But when one comment turns into 20 – and every person you encounter seems to have something to say about your postpartum body – the comments aren’t compliments anymore. They become triggers.
These words awaken thoughts I’ve worked so hard to silence for years. They ignite a fire inside my soul I just don’t want to burn. My mind begins to race with worries – What will happen when I stop breastfeeding? Will I start gaining weight? How do I stay thin forever?
I don’t broadcast my past – and I shouldn’t have to – but I spent many years struggling with body dysmorphia. And then there was the eating disorder. Coincidentally enough, both of my issues stemmed from an illness in high school which caused me to quickly lose a lot of weight. That particular story can be told another day – but for now understand this: I’ve wrestled with body image demons for years.
No woman should feel body shamed postpartum regardless of her size.
Women, especially postpartum Moms, should never be afraid to talk about their own body insecurities.
Breastfeeding causes me to lose a lot of weight – so much that I usually weigh less than I did before I was even pregnant 9-12 months after having my baby. Six months after Annabelle was born, my family/friends (and some strangers) were rather concerned by my weight loss. The comments came flooding and I started to become worried that something was wrong with me. I made an appointment with my doctor immediately. Want to know what he told me? “You’re one of the few women who lose a lot of weight while breastfeeding – it’s a weird thing that happens. But don’t worry, you’re a petite, healthy woman with a fast metabolism. There is nothing wrong with you.” Period.
I shouldn’t have had to announce these facts to others, but I did… and I do. In fact, it’s been one year since Arbor was born and I am STILL telling people, “Yes I know I’m thin but my doctors say I’m fine.” I don’t want someone thinking I am sick or struggling with an eating disorder, right?
Once I make it through breastfeeding and wean my baby, I usually gain around 5lbs. This weight gain may not be very noticeable to others – but I see it and feel it. Why wouldn’t I notice how my body has changed once again? I find myself disclosing my weight gain with anyone who has ever made a remark about my postpartum body because I have to defend how I look, right?
Over time I have learned it’s easier to be the first to remark about my postpartum body in a new situation. I make jokes about my daughters stealing my womanly curves for themselves. During the summer I liken myself to having the swimsuit body of a little boy. If I talk about myself first, someone is less likely to make a comment. The worst part is that NOT EVERYONE cares about how I look – so things can get a little awkward when I start rambling.
The unsolicited comments about my weight loss after pregnancy have changed me.
What it all comes down to is this: Just like most postpartum women, I am insecure with my postpartum body. I can’t hide from the camera or mirror though – because my job, this blog, requires me to be visible. And I don’t talk about my insecurities because, well, some people think I look either great or unhealthy.
Learning to Love My Postpartum Body
My skin has thinned and stretched in weird ways all over my body with age and multiple pregnancies. I see veins I never knew existed, can fit a quarter in my belly button, and find long hairs growing where they don’t belong. My stomach isn’t perfect, my boobs have disappeared and my butt is flat. My postpartum body isn’t ideal nor is it perfect. BUT, if I’m being honest, I’m not entirely unhappy with what I see when I look in the mirror. There’s always a strong woman looking back at me, even if she feels weird in her own skin.
Let me ask the Moms a question: “Do you really love your body?” It’s hard to truly love yourself from head to toe when you grow and change so much during pregnancy. But consider this: for nine months our bodies are miraculous vessels, growing and carrying another human life. Not every woman’s body can do that – which is reason enough as to why I should honor myself with the utmost respect. My body has produced milk to feed three babies – another incredible feat not every woman’s body is able to do. There is so much that goes into our pregnant and postpartum bodies that it’s impossible to not be grateful for all it has done.
For the sake of my daughters, and my own mental well being, I want to be grateful for my beautiful body. I want to be proud and not feel ashamed.
So I’m working on my self love. And speaking out about postpartum body shaming so others know while their words may be spoken with every good intention they may be received in an opposite manner.
Nadine says
I have had a similar experience, body wise. Without trying, I’m pretty much at what was my goal weight before I had a baby. I have no idea what happened or how I got this way. I’m sure breastfeeding and now chasing around a toddler helped. I haven’t had too many people make comments about it but it definitely isn’t something I feel comfortable talking about because I worry it would come off wrong or braggy. But I have some of the same issues too – mostly the veins! No one talks about the veins! My husband actually pointed to my leg the other day and said, “ouch, did you run into something?” and I was like, nope, that’s just a bunch of spider veins so it’s just how my leg looks now. Oh well.
Jill says
Loved reading this! I am 6 weeks postpartum and breastfeeding has made me lose my baby weight quickly as well and I am receiving similar comments! I am eating all of the time and my face is still “thin”. Even though my clothes may fit, my body is still very different and I feel bad even bringing it up when I know so many struggle to lose weight. I think my curves may have been stolen too ?
Hilary says
I get comments like that, “Have you lost more weight?” or “There’s no way you had a baby.” Which can be flattering, but they also don’t see the stretched out, wrinkly belly skin that I have to tuck into my waistband when I sit down. I’m trying to love this body, but it’s hard!
Cathclaire says
So proud of you for sharing this. You are a true inspiration and absolutely beautiful! You go girl.
xo
Cathclaire
http://www.cathclaire.com
Fashion + Lifestyle Blog
Tanvi Rastogi says
Self love and acceptance is something women have to work towards at every stage of their life. I am not a mom but I can understand where you are coming from. Appreciate your candidness in this post.
❥ tanvii.com
Lee says
So well said, and I think that issue is alive not just for post-partum bodies, but bodies in general. It seems if you are considered “too thin” you will hear about it, just as much as if you are considered “too big”. It’s so important to stop letting any criticism get to you and to learn to love your body for what it is.
Lyddiegal says
No matter what point in life you find yourself in, it can be hard to love our bodies and feel like we are fitting in with the impossible standards of society. Our bodies can do amazing things, and are always deserving of our love.
Chic on the Cheap
Torey says
LOVE this, thanks for sharing! x
Kileen says
I totally agree with this and I think we as women and mothers should be caring, considerate, and conscious of the comments we make! All about support and encouragement!
Kileen
cute & little
Megan says
Thank you so much for sharing your journey. It is so important for everyone to know it will be ok.
Anabelle says
Loved reading your post, such an interesting and important viewpoint! Thank you for being open and vulnerable.
Nicolle says
Thank you girl for sharing this! Although for me it’s the opposite I struggle to lose weight. We all have our own challenges and no one should make us feel inferior.
Morgan says
A woman’s body can do amazing things and should never be shamed for how it looks! You’re doing great by sharing this and I hope many mom’s gain some confidence from reading it!
-Morgan
How 2 Wear It [] http://how2wearit.com
Jess Scull says
You are AHMAZING. I absolutely love this post! SO proud of you!
Nailil says
This was a great post. I can identify, as a mom of two, I can say that loosing the weight can be hard. Even after years, my body is not the same but I am learning to love my body – as hard as it can be.
Xx, Nailil
thirtyminusone.com
Elizabeth Stone says
YES! Struggle with this as well. I feel so skinny and can’t keep weight on due to breastfeeding. And the comments are getting old!